What Your Rams Order Says About You
By: Christina Czachor
Want to know your true self - deeper than any astrology sign, Meyers-Briggs personality, or Love Language result could ever tell you? Close your eyes, and picture this...
After hours of being shoved by mystery arms, doused by spilled pitchers, and overheating from the plethora of bodies around you, you are looking for a way to rally the troops and say good night to tri-bar. It starts calling to you, like a beacon in the night: “Raaaams”. You know that suggesting a trip to the mecca of drunk Fordham students is a foolproof way to escape.
You arrive, but alas - there’s a line spanning the length of the entire deli. In your drunken haze, you begin to people-watch. The put-on personas and fake smiles fade away, and their individual personalities begin to shine through. You don’t know if it’s the blinding fluorescent lights or those four-dollar Kamikaze shots from Howl, but suddenly the students in line begin to transform into the very sandwiches they’re ordering.
The Bad Girl
The Bad Girl is that bitch, and whoever orders it is, too.
Probably has over 1000 Instagram followers.
Is a brand ambassador for a small bikini company.
Wears those tiny sunglasses that only look good on 5% of the population.
Was featured on Total Frat Move once.
Stands in the corner of Howl seductively sipping a vodka soda.
Gets into all the bars for free.
Chicken Over Rice
Tries too hard to be “healthy.” You’re at Rams, let’s be real.
Dress code is strictly “athleisure.”
Snorts lines of protein powder.
Idolizes Eddie’s crossfit guy.
Can be seen slacklining between trees on campus.
Had a vegan phase that lasted a week.
Mixes tequila and water and calls it a “mixed drink.”
The White Girl
The classic basic bitch.
Loves getting white-girl-wasted off of White Claws and Angry Orchards.
Will never not dance to “In My Feelings.”
Unironically uses “Ramily” as an Instagram caption.
“Doesn’t juul”, unless someone within a ten foot radius has one.
Definitely has worn the free headband you get at football games as a tube top.
Bacon Egg and Cheese
You most likely play the mom/dad role in your friend group.
Is there for anyone when they need it, whether it’s breakfast, lunch, dinner, or 3 AM.
Always takes care of intoxicated friends.
Has no problem channelling inner-Suits when friends are in the bathroom at bars; guarding the door with your life is a hobby.
Has a tide to go stick at all times.
Finger foods are your thing.
Looks at all the germs collected from the flooded bar tops of Goose and Howl and says, “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”
Wears flip-flops to bars.
Has run barefoot through the streets of the Bronx.
Has drunkenly jumped in the fountain on campus more than once.
Probably has climbed through a dorm window.
Here for a good time, not a long time.
A classic order for those who would be in a frat if the Jesuits were into that sort of thing.
Life’s goal is to be featured on barstool.
Favorite bar is Mugz’s.
Loves spikeball and being shirtless on Eddies.
Probably takes intramural sports a little too seriously.
Rarely posts on Instagram, but when they do it’s a picture in front of the flag at Bro’s Hill.
Do you love breakfast food? Do you also love chicken cutlets? This is a sandwich for people who have absolutely no idea what they want - in all areas of life.
Makes 14 different backup class schedules.
Switches songs more frequently than the Goose DJ.
Can be seen bouncing between all three bars throughout the night.
Takes ten minutes to order at Rams, but always orders the Hashtag.
The reason why the line is always so long.
Lives in a constant state of chaos.
Willing eats a cheeseburger and fries inside a tortilla.
Definitely has punched a hole in the wall at a house party.
Attempts at cooking have caused countless dorm-evacuating fire alarms.
Drink of choice is Fireball, even though it has been recalled various times.
No one knows how you haven't been arrested yet.
Fordham students are brought together by a single Bronx deli. You’ve witnessed the line at Rams break down barriers, where students from “Bad Girls” to “42.5’s” enthusiastically chat about their night and what they plan on getting. Sometimes it feels like the only people who knows the real me are the people who know my Rams order.
A so-called “Bugerito” guy passes by you and knocks a variety of chips off the shelf, pulling you out of your boozy existential crisis. You grab your order, partaking in some witty back and forth with the guys behind the counter, and begin the journey home to enjoy your dearly-beloved Rams.
Now, open your eyes: Which sandwich was your order?
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