Your Actual New Year’s Resolution, Based on Your Myers-Briggs Type

Graphic Design by Molly Brodowski

Article by Victoria Munoz

January is merely the trial month of all New Year’s Resolutions. For the past thirty days, you’ve probably come to the realization that “getting more sleep” or “eating healthier” are vague promises that are much more feasible in theory than practice But after a month of trial and error, February brings clarity to the lifestyle changes that can and will actually happen (so long as you commit to them). Unlike its predecessor, February is the month of resolutions you don’t loathe.

The Myers-Briggs test identifies your personality within an inventory of 16 different types. This test makes sense of C.G Jung’s theory that our perception and judgement defines our behavior. Fascinated with the thought that psychological theories can somehow excuse my destructive tendencies, I bought into Myers-Briggs full force. Let the Rival, combined with the forces of Myers-Briggs, dictate a non-typical resolution you can most likely achieve.


You tend to obsess over having structure in your life. Instead of sketching another perfectly-dimensional blueprint of Keating in your down time, why not invite some friends to chill on Eddie's? Maybe even put that Public Safety blind spot zone to use and smoke a j. You could use it.


ENTJs are natural born leaders. This upcoming year, let your leadership be seen by your peers. Take your leadership to the next level by standing by the door at your residence hall when there’s no guard and ensure every single person taps in. On a similar beat, stand outside the bookstore entrance to O’Hare and make sure no one from another residence hall sneaks in for a post-Howl hook-up.


Being the consistent Devil’s Advocate is your forté. Intellectual discussions and challenging others’ ideas excites you. This 2019, take your strengths to the next level. Consider forming a Fordham-based debate club that tackles the subjects we all care about. How many pounds would I have gained if the on-campus Chick-Fil-A existed? Was T-Pain a great performer or was I just plastered? Is the Cosi chicken noodle soup just caf chicken noodle soup? Is Avril Lavigne dead? Will I ever find an open study room in Walsh?


Although your inventiveness and creativity make you unique, those same traits drive you to share thoughts that are not fully-developed. Don’t half ass work and write your essays an hour before class. Stop living on the edge and submitting your BlackBoard assignments 30 seconds before 11:59. Stop banking on the Hughes printer to be functioning when you need to print right before class.


The way in which you see the world has urged many to label you as the odd one out. Everyone assumes you work at Rod’s. Your parents most definitely supported you taking up theatre in fifth grade. The rest of your friends usually don’t have to pay cover, but the bouncers ALWAYS nab you. This year, assimilate and make sure Suits knows you’re cool, and how you will not be dishing out ten dollars any longer.


Between daydreaming and analyzing situations, you tend to overthink. This year, do not let overthinking drag you down. In fact, don’t think at all. Just do. Say yes every single time your friends text you, “Are you going out tonight?” Even if it’s a drink-up on a Monday at 3PM, you will avoid all chances of having FOMO.


You are constantly putting others before yourself. This year, remember to treat you. Spend every last god-damn penny on pre-packaged face masks from T.J Maxx, overpriced brunches in Manhattan, Uber Blacks, and every YouTuber’s new eyeshadow palette. These are the things that are going to bring you real success this year.  


You are lively, energetic, and warm. These qualities make other gravitate towards you and disallow you some much needed alone time. This year, reduce human contact. If you want a sandwich, steer clear of Rams and head over to the obscure bodega by FMH. Substitute Rams Pizza Plus for Pugsley’s. Avoid the gym after 4:00 PM and don’t even think about grabbing a weekday lunch at the Grill. This lack of human interaction will help refresh your mind and give you time to reevaluate your priorities.


Stop thinking you have to have everything planned out. Embrace discomfort this 2019. Change your major to Classical Civilization, start a club that involves stomp dancing AND slam poetry, go vegan and live off of rice and bagels from the caf, and audition for the Fordham Ramblers regardless of your sex. Switch it up a lil’ bit.


Others initially find you intimidating. This 2019, loosen up. Tone down your formalness and try to be less reserved. Every interview you have this 2019 should begin with a bear hug to signify your commitment to being more open and friendly. In addition, send each employer a dozen roses and a hand written love letter after each interview as a token of appreciation. This will ensure your rigid, intimidating walls are broken down. Go above and way beyond.


Although harmony and cooperation are important to you, not many people feel the same way. Make your New Year’s resolution: “Live and let live.” When two people start having a go in Rams line at 3 A.M because they can’t agree on who’s next, don’t butt in. Just sit back, relax, let natural selection do its thing, and order your late night Bad Girl.


Although you are honest and always believe in doing what’s right, experiment with little white lies in 2019. Lie about dull things such as your name and major and gradually work your way up to scamming FAFSA and making everyone believe Father McShane is your uncle’s best friend and that you religiously use the swinging door instead of the turnstile at the Walsh gate. A little white lie never hurt nobody.


This year, try to share the spotlight a bit more. When your Philosophy professor calls for someone to recap Plato’s Republic on the first day of class, raise your hand and volunteer the shyest kid in class. This will ensure everyone’s voice gets heard and gets their 10% participation.


Your spontaneity and enthusiasm distinguishes you. Make sure that your 2019 resolutions involves not letting the stress of school weigh you down. Do one fun, unplanned event everyday such as running in the Botans when the next blizzard arrives or reciting the acoustic cover of Soulja Boy’s “Kiss Me Thru The Phone” at Rod’s Open Mic Night. Never lose your sense of adventure.


Many perceive you as shy upon first meeting you. Your resolution for this year is to become an open book. Share your deepest, darkest secrets to anyone who will lend an ear. Tell the person who swipes you in at the caf about how it troubles you that you haven’t lost your virginity yet. When picking up your Urban Outfitters package at the mailroom, tell everyone exactly what you got and why. This will all help you be a bit more approachable.


This year, try to be more proactive. Religiously incorporate your planner in your everyday life. Track every single word you say throughout the day, how many steps you have taken, who you saw, and what outfit each professor had on. Writing down these things will help make you a more observant, organized student this 2019.

Now that January is dead and gone, take February by the horns. Avoid the cliché, useless resolutions such as getting an apple instead of fries at the Grill or finally making it to your 8:30 at FMH on time. Oddly enough, these boring, monotonous resolutions are hard to stick to because they’re way too predictable. Break out a funk this year by challenging the notion that all resolutions need to be “good for you”. You’re only in college once, why try to “adult” so quickly? Give these anti-resolution resolutions a go.

Victoria Munoz